You've reached joesdiner.com. There is no diner. There never was. There is, however, a fully realized menu, three suspiciously specific reviews, and a jukebox that only plays in your imagination.
(the sign likes to be clicked)
Today's Special
Spin the pass
Reluctant Meatloaf, served with a side of regret — $4.20
The Menu
Order at your own risk
Breakfast — served never
Eggs SchrödingerTwo eggs, simultaneously poached and not, until you cut into them$6
The Existential OmeletComes with everything. Means nothing.$7
Pancakes, TheoreticallyA stack of three. Circularity not guaranteed.$5.75
Bacon of Unknown OriginWe have questions too. We're not asking them.$4.50
Toast, Unbuttered, UnapologeticA statement piece, not a side.$2.50
Lunch
Grilled Cheese of TheseusWe replace one ingredient at a time. By the last bite it's a different sandwich.$5.50
Soup of the DayDay undisclosed. Soup also undisclosed.$4
The Club Sandwich, ReluctantlyThree tiers of commitment issues, held together by toothpicks.$8
Meatloaf, No Further CommentThe kitchen has said everything it's going to say about this.$9
The Sysadmin's ChiliLeft simmering overnight. Nobody remembers starting it.$6.50
Pie
Pi(e) à la ModeExactly 3.14159 inches across. We checked.$3.14
Whatever's Left From YesterdayAsk what flavor. Watch us hesitate.$3
The Concept of PieA slice-shaped absence on a plate. Deeply satisfying.$0
Drinks
Bottomless CoffeeCitation needed$2
Milkshake, Structurally SoundStands a straw up on its own. We're proud of that.$5
Iced Tea, Unsweetened, No ApologiesSweetener packets sold separately, at a markup.$2.50
Regular WaterNo notesFree
Word on the Street
What people are saying
★★★★★ "Never been, would recommend."
★★★★ "Tried to make a reservation. Line disconnected. Mysterious, but four stars."
★★★★★ "The vibes were immaculate. The diner, less so, on account of not existing."
Hours
When we're "open"
Mon–FriWhenever
SaturdayAlso whenever
SundayDefinitely whenever
ClosedThanksgiving, existentially
SECRET MENU UNLOCKED: The Joe. Ask for it by name and you will be handed nothing, because there is no Joe. This is the whole bit.